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Ode to Broke Dudes

Most cisgendered straight men are monogamous only because they’re broke.

They’ll take a woman somewhere cheap, split the check, and then ask to bum a smoke.

They could never afford two women or more, and quite frankly, what for?

They usually finish before they can get both feet through the door.

They’ll tell me, “Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger,

But my wallet certainly ain’t gettin’ bigger.”

Truth be told, they’ve been strapped since they went to a university, full of ambitiousness,

When the school of life already taught them that capitalism’s brutally ridiculous.


It’s like they think they can just buy a woman’s sovereignty,

Ignoring that everything’s ours when nothing’s our property.

A relationship between equals instead of a series of transactions,

Where you can read each other’s body language even clearer than closed captions.

They’ll give her attention like they’re expecting interest on a loan,

But when she sees what I’ll give her for free, they'll all surely end up alone.

They could get creative and romantic without spending a single dollar,

Yet they opt for some tawdry night out, trying to appear oh so white collar.


All these men prance around like they’re God’s gift to Earth,

Auditing women, assigning them some bogus worth,

Based on their outfit, bust size, skin tone, it’s truly pathetic.

When I talk to these kinds of guys I need an anesthetic.

I do feel bad for them because their life isn't easy.

It must be challenging to always be so cheesy.

They’ll keep up all of the charades and think they’re doing great.

Maybe one day they’ll realize that they can’t purchase a soulmate.

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